Dealing with post marital career stress is indeed challenging for women. In all societies, man has always been getting the natural privilege of dealing with work as a top priority. But, for a woman, this is the opposite. She is expected to wake up in the morning and deal with household issues first and then with her work challenges if she is a working woman. And what if she isn’t working at an office? Then she is working nonstop the whole day at home.
I realized the frustration and stress related to post marital career change by seeing my friend; what she was going through and what everyone expected of her. She was a doctor who got married in another country hence, lost all physical support of her family in case she even fell sick. All I ever saw was a cook or a cleaner who was always concerned with trying the newest dinner recipes. I could always see her excitement while sharing the pictures of her newest recipes but inside somewhere she always thought the amazing doctor was lost somewhere.
She was not getting enough time to study for her medical papers and start a job.
I believe 90% of working women are in the same boat. This blog is for women who want to have a professional career after marriage.
Managing the post marital career stress
Let’s dig into the top 4 tips to deal with post marital career chase.
- Your happiness is your own responsibility
- Set your goals and dive in
- Talk to your partner
- Balance your priorities
1) Your happiness is your own responsibility
Every change starts within the mind. You change from within to make an impact on the outside. The issue isn’t whether a woman should work or not, it is her inner contentment that matters. If she was working before marriage, it is a sure thing to go through post-marital career challenges and stress if she isn’t working after marriage. The reason is she was used to being independent and her day started with going to the office, achieving some career benchmarks while getting compensation as the key motivator to drive her. She thought of her job as a key source of utilizing her degree. Now she thinks her professional career is doomed and her all batchmates are excelling in their professional lives while she is balancing sugar and salt in the recipes.
I went through the same feeling after I left my job and saw my classmates growing with my own growth stunted. I hear many of my married friends saying the same that we do not feel worthy anymore as we are not earning and the household chores aren’t very rewarding. This is because one can’t stop himself from comparing the past with the present.
Hence, at this point, you need to make a decision about what makes you happy. Explore yourself and try to understand your emotional, physical, and financial needs. Often, you are just missing the appreciation that you used to receive in your professional life and now the husband is failing to provide that. Sometimes, it is money that helped you feel stronger in the past and now depending on your husband’s finances is making you feel deprived. A lot of times, women are not interested in doing household chores and just need an escape. Majorly nowadays, women are more career oriented and want to accomplish which makes them unsettled sitting at home after marriage.
Make a list
Just sit and write down all the things that are causing you post marital career stress and the factors that motivate you to do or not do the job. Make sure you analyze yourself keeping your happiness and contentment in mind. After all, you are the only person who is the happiest when you make a good move and you suffer the most with a wrong move.
2) Set your goals and dive in
Now that you have analyzed and explored your needs, set some goals to look up to. Make a plan to achieve these goals. Obviously, there could be 2 possible choices; either you wanna work or you don’t.
- If you wish to work but cannot go out to work due to any family commitments, explore some convenient ways of doing online work; could be a job or your own small home-based business. It will help you earn and grow professionally while staying at home and giving quality time to your family.
- If you came up with the idea of finding pleasure in going out for a job, it is time to gather your courage and determination to progress.
3) Talk to your partner
Yes, you are married now, and taking your partner in confidence is essential. He must support you in case you decide to do a job, whether it is a remote job or an in-office job. If he isn’t cooperative with you later, your life would be a mess. Your husband’s support matters the most to you. Honestly, this is a time when most men demand working wives too but they do not provide support to their wives when needed. All they see is some extra income when they marry working women but later fail to meet their wives’ needs. This is one of the top reasons for failed marriages at present.
An uncooperative husband is the leading cause of post marital career stress for a woman. If you have now decided to work, sit with your husband and discuss all your concerns very politely. If he is supportive of you, nothing can really put you off. Communicate your expectations and needs to him.
4) Balance your priorities
This step begins with the end of the last activity i.e. discussion with your partner. If you have finally decided to work then, propose a few plans to manage the home smartly. This is the time to prioritize your commitments. Your day will start with performing the professional duties first and the household tasks will be accommodated accordingly. In that case, your priority would be your professionalism. This will definitely disturb your household work but as I said earlier your this decision has to be very mindful and responsible. Work only when you are financially weak or when you are very confident that you can manage home and work side by side.
Make a schedule of your tasks. I suggest you prepare the breakfast and get to work. When you are done with the work then, turn to the household chores. Only manage what you can easily manage. Do not put too much load on yourself.
Role of the husband in managing post marital career stress
For a working woman or for a woman who is preparing for some professional tests/ papers, the husband should not expect that she will wake up to attend to household chores first. She cannot prove to be a perfect housewife while being an outstanding professional. If the husbands want to enjoy their wives salaries, they have to sacrifice themselves the most which is unfortunately not happening in most of the homes. After all, nowadays these are the males who want earning wives as they think one man earning show is no more feasible in these times of inflation. Therefore, they put all the responsibility on the wives: who have to both earn and manage the home while these men only earn.
This is one of the major reasons of relationship breakups presently. Men tend to look for working women to get married to and make false promises to be cooperative with their working wives. After marriage, they fail to understand the needs of a working or studying wife and overburden her with household chores and earning the likelihood which frustrates the women, enough to leave such men.
Guys! Remember, financial responsibility of the family lies on the man’s shoulders, not on the woman’s. If you expect your wife to study or work, you have to cooperate with her by dividing her burdens. What if she asks you to both earn and cook and clean? You won’t be able to handle this for a month and she bears with this for years and even for her whole life.
Start lifting the burdens of your wife. If she is studying or working, take at least one responsibility on regular basis either cleaning or cooking. This relationship is based on equality. If you only expect and deliver nothing to motivate her, the result would be a broken relationship.
Why is it husband every time?
Yes, it is only the husband who can help you cope with the post marital career stress. If he isn’t cooperative, trust me the world would be a hell for a professional woman. So wrapping up, my advice is to have a fit talk with him. If he wants you to work, he’d have to make some compromises. I suggest you to not be a rebel if he is not willing to let you work for sometime until If you convince him in peace and make a smart schedule to balance your priorities to prove yourself. Gradually, he will be convinced with the way you manage things and he will start supporting your work and sharing your burdens. Being rebellious can stake your relationship. Instead, making good points to prove your passion for work can help you get on the track.